Used Car Classifieds Translations

If the ad says…. it really means….

MUST SELL… before it blows up.

RUNS FINE… I was going to say "runs excellent" but I had a last minute attack of conscience.

NEEDS SOME BODY WORK… was side-swiped by a Winnebago.

WELL-MAINTAINED… I occasionally changed the oil.

LOOKS LIKE NEW… just don't try to drive it anywhere.

ALL ORIGINAL… I never had anything fixed, adjusted, or replaced.

LOADED WITH OPTIONS… each one more troublesome than the last.

NEVER SMOKED IN… unfortunately, that's the best thing I can say about it.

PROJECT CAR… I can't figure out how to finish it and I doubt you will either.

LOTS OF POTENTIAL… to drive you insane.

NEEDS MINOR REPAIR… doesn't run.

ENGINE QUIET... uses 90-weight oil

PARTS CAR... beyond repair.

ROUGH CONDITION… too bad to lie about.

IMMACULATE... recently washed.

CONCOURS... recently waxed.

NEEDS MINOR OVERHAUL... needs engine.

NEEDS MAJOR OVERHAUL... phone the junkyard.

BURNS NO OIL... (it all leaks out).

REBUILT ENGINE... cleaned the spark plugs.

DRIVE IT AWAY... I live on a hill.

DRIVE IT ANYWHERE... (within 10 miles).

DESIRABLE CLASSIC... no one wants it.

RARE CLASSIC... no one wanted it even when it was new.

STORED 20 YEARS... (in a farmer's field).

RAN WHEN STORED... won't start.

NEVER APART... bolts too rounded to loosen.

SOLID AS A ROCK... rusted solid

RESTORED, WITH 0 MILES... won't start.

RESTORED, WITH 2 MILES... won't stay running.

OLDER RESTORATION... first owner washed it.

GOOD INVESTMENT... can't be worth much less.

NO TIME TO RESTORE IT... can't obtain parts.

95% COMPLETE... other 5% doesn't exist.

CLEAN… homeless dude at 5th and Main did the windows.

GOOD TRANSPORTATION… It's ugly as sin.

ENGINE BLUEPRINTED… I don't know what it means either.

EXCELLENT GAS MILEAGE… It's slow.

LOW MILES… the odometer was turned back.

ONE OWNER… can't give it away.

SURE TO APPRECIATE… that's why I'm selling it.

. . .OR BEST OFFER… I'm guessing here.

FASTER THAN A 'VETTE… A Chevette.

OTHER INTERESTS CONFLICT... spouse's ultimatum: "Either that #!!@&## thing goes or I do!"